A Ritual To Read To Each Other

A Ritual To Read To Each Other

By: William Stafford

If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider--
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give--yes or no, or maybe--
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep. 

I love this poem. 

It reminds me that I have a responsibility to stand out and make a difference in the world.

The poem reminds me of the traditions, cultures, and beliefs in life that we so often follow without a second thought.  For many, having a second thought is not an option.  For us, in the United States of America, having a second and third and fourth thought are encouraged and praised.  It is with this freedom to think and speak that we can express our ideologies and opinions in a way that others can be touched and changed. 

How important it is then, to be the kind of person that can break the pattern that holds so many in a frame of iridescent time. 

Whether a person has religion, morals or just feelings about being different doesn’t matter.  The fact that an individual “knows what occurs, but is still willing to “recognize the fact” makes things in this world change. 

Change is good and standing out has never been easier and better.  Each individual in this world is so vast and different that it is impossible to realize the potential in each one.  The times where great things have happened, is when one person realizes their own powerful potential and becomes the catalyst of change others could not be.

The United States of America has the First Amendment which encourages the differences we all bring to the table, yet it is still so difficult to ascertain why being different is so wrong, so hard, so different.  It contradicts the very core of the constitution that sought a change and fought passionately in the cause of a dream, a goal, a realization.

I believe this poem is a statement to all to be different, to realize the need and beauty of being different.  Expression, knowledge, ideas- they empower.  America has become great because of these ideals.

So next time we see someone, something different – instead of looking and cocking our head to one side, in a defiant judgmental way, I hope we remember that person is beautiful.  Beautiful because they have come to the realization who they are and what they stand for.  Let us stop being so discriminatory and indulge in the freshness someone else’s passion brings to the world. 

We are different – and its never been more beautiful. 

Another Day Past

It snowed this morning for the first time in awhile in Rexburg- officially marking the end of the semester and the beginning of Christmas holidays.  Its fun to watch students scattering the last day of the semester to finish exams, pack, and sell back textbooks.  Everyone is happy, hugging and completely stressed out.

I can't say I am any different, but this semester I am surprisingly more relaxed than normal and I know it is because I have been steadily working to finish things way before the deadline.  It's the best stress reliever I know.

I think back to last year and am amazed at how fast time has passed, and where it has led me. With graduation only 2 semesters away I am starting to feel the accomplishment of achieving another one of my goals - and with another line through the list, I need to add something new.

With Dane learning italian every night, I am reminded of the satisfaction of achieving goals and trying new things- and with New Years approaching its time to start thinking of the new things I want to add to my list.

I love seeing people work hard and find success.  It inspires me.

On the other hand- I hate seeing people settle and lose sight of what they are capable of achieving.  Its sad and unfortunately, it shows in their eyes.

Why do we settle for things?  Do we really think we are worthless or stupid?  Settling just says I am not capable of happiness. I think we limit ourselves more than anyone or anything else can.  Forget what you think you cannot do, and start making a list of the things you want to do - not thinking if you can.

We need to stop asking ourselves if we CAN do something - just do it.  You will be amazed at the beautiful results you will see -in yourself, in what you create, and what you learn.

The best part about it - you will be happy.  What more can you ask for?

  

It's Been Awhile

Well this morning I woke up and felt as though my body had officially resigned itself.  With no energy left to even remove the sweatshirt I slept in last night because I was so cold, I felt the heat permeating under my duvae and finally pushed and pulled till it was off and the clean cool air felt amazing against my skin. I pulled the duvae back over me and laid there thinking about ... everything.  I have this ability, or should I say problem with overthinking about a million things at the same time.  Somehow through all the thoughts, my mind must get tired and decides to put me to sleep because I always wake up later and wonder when or where I was in my thought process before I fell asleep.

Today was no different.

I came into the living room, tidied up the house and sat down in front of the burning fireplace DVD Dane and I bought for $5 at Walmart.  It's my favourite purchase lately. It's relaxing and helps me wind down.

This is the first post I have written since September and too many things have kept me from sitting down and recording it all.  Dane had mono at the beginning of October and was unable to swallow anything- including his own saliva.  After 3 days in the hospital, he was released and started to get better, but was off work for about 3 weeks.  Don't ask me how I didn't catch it.  I guess I may have already had it.
Just when things started to get back to normal for us, I was getting ready for work on October 29th and bent the wrong way just to find myself in the most excruciating pain of my life.  My right shoulder and right side of my back had shooting pain and numbness and even moving an inch felt like I was breaking.  After chiropractors, hospital visits, narcotics, an MRI and many wonderful friends and family who helped take care of me, I have been regularly seeing a physical therapist and will be following up for another visit with a bone and muscle specialist in Idaho Falls.

The diagnosis:  A bulging disc at the base of my neck and the shoulder part is still to be determined. My right arm and hand have been really sore and in a lot of pain.

I have been unable to do much.  I have spent the last month laying in bed and on the couch trying to do schoolwork for home.  Thankfully, my teachers have all been generously accommodating and I seem to be getting back on track.

I am tired and I am hoping for more resolution, but thankful for the new experience and understanding it has brought.  I am now able to move around fairly normal with the exception of sitting too long and lifting anything remotely heavier than a milk jug.  My independent spirit has definitely been whining inside of me for more and I wish I could do more.

Today I was reading my scriptures and came across Alma 9 that seemed to be full of reminders of remembering the Lord.  In particular I loved verse 17 that says, "for the Lord will be merciful unto all who call on his name."

As I sat here at looked around my little apartment, I realized how very blessed I am. We have nice things, a cute and very sparse Christmas tree, a beautiful nativity my mom gave me, we have food in our cupboards, we have warm clothes to wear and a heater that is loud enough to remind us when it comes on each time. Most of all, I have opportunities galore ahead of Dane and I and it's exciting.

Our very first Christmas tree - we got it ourselves in the mountains!

Our own makeshift fireplace (without heat) but definitely one of my favourite things

It is so easy to get caught up in the little day to day stress that sometimes seems to overwhelm and outdo us.  But, I realize as I put the Lord first in my life, he makes everything work out just right.  It's perfect. What more could I ask for.

Feature Story

“Honor your covenants, and you’ll be protected,” said the voice that rang in JD Thornock’s ears as he looked out his window and realized he was only a few feet away from a roadside bomb sticking out of the ground.  

“I thought it was over, and I heard Elder Bednar’s voice in my head,” said Thornock, a junior studying business management.

Thornock is one of many Americans who responded to the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City by joining the military. Thornock’s interest in the military goes much deeper than the tragic attacks, however. 

 “It was something I always wanted to do,” Thornock said. “It’s patriotic. I thought it was something I should do.”  

Growing up, Thornock wanted to be a Navy SEAL, but after joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at age 10 and later serving a mission to Brazil, Thornock joined the Marines, where he served as a sergeant in the 4th Light Armored Reconnaissance unit.

 As his two little girls said good night with kisses and “I love yous,” Thornock related his experiences from the two years he served in the Middle East. He spoke thoughtfully of one experience when, during his year in Afghanistan, he was awarded the Purple Heart after his unit was blown up.  

 “My injuries weren’t terrible, but they merit a Purple Heart Award,” Thornock said. “There are other guys that lose an arm or a leg and other limbs and they are going to be messed up for the rest of their lives. I don’t like to think I am in the same field as them as far as the award goes.”


Thornock’s legs were injured in the explosion, but he continues to remain active despite the irritation he experiences daily. 

After losing seven men and seeing over 23 injured, he had moments where he thought all hope was gone and it was just a matter of time until his number was pulled. His perspective on life has changed because of the experiences he has had and the influence of the gospel in his life. 

 Thornock’s passion and desire, inspired him to join the marines, even though he was told by family and friends to not get involved.

 “I always think of Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon,” Thornock said. “He was away from family for how long, fighting for what 
he believed in, for what was right: 
family, country, religion, for his God. 
He is looked at as a hero. What an amazing guy.”

 Not everyone interested in joining the Marines is accepted. Thornock said because he is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, he was sometimes ridiculed and treated harshly. He doesn’t take it personally, but looks at it as a learning experience. 

 “This is a sacred holy land that is blessed. We need to protect that. [The Marines] need solid good men to fight our country’s battle. They need good men that are strong physically, spiritually and mentally.” 

 Though he is still dealing with the physical and mental stress from his service, Thornock has no regrets. However, he wishes that others could understand how blessed we are. As Sept. 11 approached, his thoughts turned towards the sacrifices others made.

 “My thoughts go back to the guys we lost,” Thornock said. “Did they die in vain? If we are not there keeping terror at bay for the most part, then it is going to be back on our soil.”

 The fear of losing one’s life in the service of your country is a realistic issue for people like Thornock.

 He believes that by always doing his best and staying close to the Spirit, his life was spared.

 “Heavenly Father was watching over us. I can see [His] hand in many things. I’m stronger from having those experiences,” Thornock said.

 Thornock’s wife, Laura, has also seen the hand of the Lord in her life. She had both their girls while Thornock was deployed, but looked at it as a blessing since she was able to focus her energies on her daughters rather than on how her husband was away. 

 “I worry. It’s scary, but I am proud of JD for what he’s done,” Laura said.

 Now that Thornock is out of the Marines and a full-time student at BYU-Idaho, he and Laura are living a normal life.

 “Just through prayer it was clear: we need to go to BYU-Idaho,” Thornock said. “I love going to school here. Being here has been more therapeutic for any of the stress I have than any of the counseling. I don’t know what the ‘Spirit of Ricks’ thing is that they always talk about, but something is here. It’s definitely a strong presence.”

I Dreamed a Dream

The mornings are getting cold.
Soon, it will be dark when its time to leave for work or school and getting out of bed in the morning will seem like such a hard thing to do.  It's kind of always been that way for me, because I sure do love snuggling in the warm blankets of my bed and falling asleep, but this week it has been hard for Dane to get up.
Just the other day he said to me,
"The first thing you do every morning is complain!"
I was completely taken back (not really).  I will admit, it's true.  However, I would like to argue that I don't just complain.  The complaints come from my sore neck or having a headache in the morning.  It always has to do with me not feeling well and wanting more sleep.  But I felt the sting of the words as he told me and I realized I needed to change it.
I wish I could be more like my dad who would come wake each of us kids in the morning all cheery, when he probably got less sleep, definitely worked harder and had far more responsibilities in a far more important sphere each and every day of his life.  I cannot remember a morning when he grumbled at me or told me to hurry it up because I was being a lazy sleepyhead.
Being like my dad might be a dream for me, but I figured I could begin the journey on my yellowbrick road to happiness by first asking Dane how he slept instead of asking myself.  Now he is the one who is "tired" and "I didn't sleep well." Poor thing.
We've got to figure out the secret to sleeping well.
I don't know about anyone else, but I think my imagination loves it when I go to sleep at night. It goes absolutely crazy and thinks of random people, places and things that I have already thought about or associated with that day and creates a nice little creative writing assignment in the form of a motion picture dream.
Last night's motion picture - War in Iraq, my brother revealing our hiding spot because he just had to skype his wife, and a phonecall for me while I'm trying to play mini-golf in my parent's living room from someone informing me that so and so (I really honestly didn't know) was really sick and not going to make it.  Either I watch the news too much or actually live this exciting of a life because I can assure you I would not be picking that for my bedtime story.
Maybe that is why my neck hurts so bad, fighting a war, mini golfing while trying to hold a phone to my ear as I play can really do a number.  I wonder what tonight's feature will be?

Mediocrity anyone?

Yesterday in a class, I overhead a boy say to another classmate, "Just so you know, I NEVER do more than I have to."  I hope the boy didn't look in my direction after that comment, because I probably had a "that's really dumb" look on my face.

I have been thinking of that boy and about his attitude regarding his education and couldn't help but think it was likely going to rub off on his perspective in living life.

I don't think we fully understand what we are capable of doing.  When we are given the opportunity to fly, there are going to be some who take that opportunity and there will be others that say, "I NEVER do more than I have to."  To me, those represent the two types of people in the world today.

Every successful individual in life will tell you that positive thinking and goal setting has been a tremendous help in their life - and could even be closely connected to their successes in life.

I believe that when we think positively, we cannot help but challenge ourselves. We develop an attitude of confidence and we harvest strong desires. We can accomplish goals, dreams and have things work out incredibly for us. I believe this, because I'm living proof.

It seems like whenever I do something challenging, something new, or something simply out of my comfort zone, I am surprisingly rewarded with something better and better.  My experiences in "doing more than I have to" really have given me a richness in my life I don't think I could have received from any person, award or holiday.  There is just something special about stepping outside of ourselves and seeing how far we can fly.

For the second person- the one who chooses, "I NEVER do more than I have to", a lot of forfeiting takes place.  Not only is this type of person disregarding their talents and capabilities to do great things, they simply are throwing away their life.  They would rather utilize their time with mediocrity.

It is evident to see where my opinion lies concerning these two people. Life is life - it is for everyone. We are all different.  We have preferences and opinions and goals - and we also have reality.

Reality doesn't mean we have to submit ourselves to the sometimes mundane routines of life.

Why are we letting the mediocrity of the world get in our way of doing greater things?

Sometimes I think of Europe and melt inside

Sometimes I think of Europe and melt inside. 

I am not sure if it’s the way the baguettes leather boots and fall smell, but there is something that gets me every time when I find myself walking down a cobblestone street, satchel on my side and my eyes wide with adventure.  My smile gives me away as a tourist, not just because my teeth are straight, but because they aren’t stained with the experience of smoking and tastes of freshly brewed coffee.  Although, the smell of that coffee is enticing. I try to act like this is my world.  I speak the language, wear the wool coat and my scarf secures my confidence as I walk with my head held high.  This is who I am.

I feel inspired, intuitive and brave as I notice my reflection in the river next to me.  Thoughts of my dreams and capabilities float from my mind to every inch of my body motivating me to conquer the world.  Couples around me hold hands and whisper in each other’s ears, but it doesn’t bother me, instead, it emphasizes the feeling of contentment every inch of me is feeling. 

I walk through the city center and find myself wandering aimlessly, looking at all the expensive clothes, chocolates, jewelry, antiques and books that must be hundreds of years old. They don’t look like this at home. There is something enchanting about an old man selling apples, pears and grapes from a street stand.  

I blink a few times and realize that I’m alive.  It’s not just a dream anymore.

A few airplane rides later, time and routine tells me that reality is much different now. I no longer have the inspiring architecture and the warmth of roasted almonds mixed with the smell of cigarettes and newspaper.  I’m not a fan of smokers, but somehow that musty European smell is acomfort to me. Instead, I look out my window and notice the blue sky and housing developments that surround me.  I smell the famous American apple pie smell melting on my Scensty and it is confirmed: I am back in the USA. 

It's not so bad here…it’s just that I really love Europe.  And I can’t help but think of it with the feeling of fall in the air. 

So for now, I will close my eyes and think of Europe and melt inside…all over again.