A Ritual To Read To Each Other

A Ritual To Read To Each Other

By: William Stafford

If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.

For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.

And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.

And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider--
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.

For it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep;
the signals we give--yes or no, or maybe--
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep. 

I love this poem. 

It reminds me that I have a responsibility to stand out and make a difference in the world.

The poem reminds me of the traditions, cultures, and beliefs in life that we so often follow without a second thought.  For many, having a second thought is not an option.  For us, in the United States of America, having a second and third and fourth thought are encouraged and praised.  It is with this freedom to think and speak that we can express our ideologies and opinions in a way that others can be touched and changed. 

How important it is then, to be the kind of person that can break the pattern that holds so many in a frame of iridescent time. 

Whether a person has religion, morals or just feelings about being different doesn’t matter.  The fact that an individual “knows what occurs, but is still willing to “recognize the fact” makes things in this world change. 

Change is good and standing out has never been easier and better.  Each individual in this world is so vast and different that it is impossible to realize the potential in each one.  The times where great things have happened, is when one person realizes their own powerful potential and becomes the catalyst of change others could not be.

The United States of America has the First Amendment which encourages the differences we all bring to the table, yet it is still so difficult to ascertain why being different is so wrong, so hard, so different.  It contradicts the very core of the constitution that sought a change and fought passionately in the cause of a dream, a goal, a realization.

I believe this poem is a statement to all to be different, to realize the need and beauty of being different.  Expression, knowledge, ideas- they empower.  America has become great because of these ideals.

So next time we see someone, something different – instead of looking and cocking our head to one side, in a defiant judgmental way, I hope we remember that person is beautiful.  Beautiful because they have come to the realization who they are and what they stand for.  Let us stop being so discriminatory and indulge in the freshness someone else’s passion brings to the world. 

We are different – and its never been more beautiful. 

Another Day Past

It snowed this morning for the first time in awhile in Rexburg- officially marking the end of the semester and the beginning of Christmas holidays.  Its fun to watch students scattering the last day of the semester to finish exams, pack, and sell back textbooks.  Everyone is happy, hugging and completely stressed out.

I can't say I am any different, but this semester I am surprisingly more relaxed than normal and I know it is because I have been steadily working to finish things way before the deadline.  It's the best stress reliever I know.

I think back to last year and am amazed at how fast time has passed, and where it has led me. With graduation only 2 semesters away I am starting to feel the accomplishment of achieving another one of my goals - and with another line through the list, I need to add something new.

With Dane learning italian every night, I am reminded of the satisfaction of achieving goals and trying new things- and with New Years approaching its time to start thinking of the new things I want to add to my list.

I love seeing people work hard and find success.  It inspires me.

On the other hand- I hate seeing people settle and lose sight of what they are capable of achieving.  Its sad and unfortunately, it shows in their eyes.

Why do we settle for things?  Do we really think we are worthless or stupid?  Settling just says I am not capable of happiness. I think we limit ourselves more than anyone or anything else can.  Forget what you think you cannot do, and start making a list of the things you want to do - not thinking if you can.

We need to stop asking ourselves if we CAN do something - just do it.  You will be amazed at the beautiful results you will see -in yourself, in what you create, and what you learn.

The best part about it - you will be happy.  What more can you ask for?

  

It's Been Awhile

Well this morning I woke up and felt as though my body had officially resigned itself.  With no energy left to even remove the sweatshirt I slept in last night because I was so cold, I felt the heat permeating under my duvae and finally pushed and pulled till it was off and the clean cool air felt amazing against my skin. I pulled the duvae back over me and laid there thinking about ... everything.  I have this ability, or should I say problem with overthinking about a million things at the same time.  Somehow through all the thoughts, my mind must get tired and decides to put me to sleep because I always wake up later and wonder when or where I was in my thought process before I fell asleep.

Today was no different.

I came into the living room, tidied up the house and sat down in front of the burning fireplace DVD Dane and I bought for $5 at Walmart.  It's my favourite purchase lately. It's relaxing and helps me wind down.

This is the first post I have written since September and too many things have kept me from sitting down and recording it all.  Dane had mono at the beginning of October and was unable to swallow anything- including his own saliva.  After 3 days in the hospital, he was released and started to get better, but was off work for about 3 weeks.  Don't ask me how I didn't catch it.  I guess I may have already had it.
Just when things started to get back to normal for us, I was getting ready for work on October 29th and bent the wrong way just to find myself in the most excruciating pain of my life.  My right shoulder and right side of my back had shooting pain and numbness and even moving an inch felt like I was breaking.  After chiropractors, hospital visits, narcotics, an MRI and many wonderful friends and family who helped take care of me, I have been regularly seeing a physical therapist and will be following up for another visit with a bone and muscle specialist in Idaho Falls.

The diagnosis:  A bulging disc at the base of my neck and the shoulder part is still to be determined. My right arm and hand have been really sore and in a lot of pain.

I have been unable to do much.  I have spent the last month laying in bed and on the couch trying to do schoolwork for home.  Thankfully, my teachers have all been generously accommodating and I seem to be getting back on track.

I am tired and I am hoping for more resolution, but thankful for the new experience and understanding it has brought.  I am now able to move around fairly normal with the exception of sitting too long and lifting anything remotely heavier than a milk jug.  My independent spirit has definitely been whining inside of me for more and I wish I could do more.

Today I was reading my scriptures and came across Alma 9 that seemed to be full of reminders of remembering the Lord.  In particular I loved verse 17 that says, "for the Lord will be merciful unto all who call on his name."

As I sat here at looked around my little apartment, I realized how very blessed I am. We have nice things, a cute and very sparse Christmas tree, a beautiful nativity my mom gave me, we have food in our cupboards, we have warm clothes to wear and a heater that is loud enough to remind us when it comes on each time. Most of all, I have opportunities galore ahead of Dane and I and it's exciting.

Our very first Christmas tree - we got it ourselves in the mountains!

Our own makeshift fireplace (without heat) but definitely one of my favourite things

It is so easy to get caught up in the little day to day stress that sometimes seems to overwhelm and outdo us.  But, I realize as I put the Lord first in my life, he makes everything work out just right.  It's perfect. What more could I ask for.

Feature Story

“Honor your covenants, and you’ll be protected,” said the voice that rang in JD Thornock’s ears as he looked out his window and realized he was only a few feet away from a roadside bomb sticking out of the ground.  

“I thought it was over, and I heard Elder Bednar’s voice in my head,” said Thornock, a junior studying business management.

Thornock is one of many Americans who responded to the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City by joining the military. Thornock’s interest in the military goes much deeper than the tragic attacks, however. 

 “It was something I always wanted to do,” Thornock said. “It’s patriotic. I thought it was something I should do.”  

Growing up, Thornock wanted to be a Navy SEAL, but after joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at age 10 and later serving a mission to Brazil, Thornock joined the Marines, where he served as a sergeant in the 4th Light Armored Reconnaissance unit.

 As his two little girls said good night with kisses and “I love yous,” Thornock related his experiences from the two years he served in the Middle East. He spoke thoughtfully of one experience when, during his year in Afghanistan, he was awarded the Purple Heart after his unit was blown up.  

 “My injuries weren’t terrible, but they merit a Purple Heart Award,” Thornock said. “There are other guys that lose an arm or a leg and other limbs and they are going to be messed up for the rest of their lives. I don’t like to think I am in the same field as them as far as the award goes.”


Thornock’s legs were injured in the explosion, but he continues to remain active despite the irritation he experiences daily. 

After losing seven men and seeing over 23 injured, he had moments where he thought all hope was gone and it was just a matter of time until his number was pulled. His perspective on life has changed because of the experiences he has had and the influence of the gospel in his life. 

 Thornock’s passion and desire, inspired him to join the marines, even though he was told by family and friends to not get involved.

 “I always think of Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon,” Thornock said. “He was away from family for how long, fighting for what 
he believed in, for what was right: 
family, country, religion, for his God. 
He is looked at as a hero. What an amazing guy.”

 Not everyone interested in joining the Marines is accepted. Thornock said because he is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ, he was sometimes ridiculed and treated harshly. He doesn’t take it personally, but looks at it as a learning experience. 

 “This is a sacred holy land that is blessed. We need to protect that. [The Marines] need solid good men to fight our country’s battle. They need good men that are strong physically, spiritually and mentally.” 

 Though he is still dealing with the physical and mental stress from his service, Thornock has no regrets. However, he wishes that others could understand how blessed we are. As Sept. 11 approached, his thoughts turned towards the sacrifices others made.

 “My thoughts go back to the guys we lost,” Thornock said. “Did they die in vain? If we are not there keeping terror at bay for the most part, then it is going to be back on our soil.”

 The fear of losing one’s life in the service of your country is a realistic issue for people like Thornock.

 He believes that by always doing his best and staying close to the Spirit, his life was spared.

 “Heavenly Father was watching over us. I can see [His] hand in many things. I’m stronger from having those experiences,” Thornock said.

 Thornock’s wife, Laura, has also seen the hand of the Lord in her life. She had both their girls while Thornock was deployed, but looked at it as a blessing since she was able to focus her energies on her daughters rather than on how her husband was away. 

 “I worry. It’s scary, but I am proud of JD for what he’s done,” Laura said.

 Now that Thornock is out of the Marines and a full-time student at BYU-Idaho, he and Laura are living a normal life.

 “Just through prayer it was clear: we need to go to BYU-Idaho,” Thornock said. “I love going to school here. Being here has been more therapeutic for any of the stress I have than any of the counseling. I don’t know what the ‘Spirit of Ricks’ thing is that they always talk about, but something is here. It’s definitely a strong presence.”

I Dreamed a Dream

The mornings are getting cold.
Soon, it will be dark when its time to leave for work or school and getting out of bed in the morning will seem like such a hard thing to do.  It's kind of always been that way for me, because I sure do love snuggling in the warm blankets of my bed and falling asleep, but this week it has been hard for Dane to get up.
Just the other day he said to me,
"The first thing you do every morning is complain!"
I was completely taken back (not really).  I will admit, it's true.  However, I would like to argue that I don't just complain.  The complaints come from my sore neck or having a headache in the morning.  It always has to do with me not feeling well and wanting more sleep.  But I felt the sting of the words as he told me and I realized I needed to change it.
I wish I could be more like my dad who would come wake each of us kids in the morning all cheery, when he probably got less sleep, definitely worked harder and had far more responsibilities in a far more important sphere each and every day of his life.  I cannot remember a morning when he grumbled at me or told me to hurry it up because I was being a lazy sleepyhead.
Being like my dad might be a dream for me, but I figured I could begin the journey on my yellowbrick road to happiness by first asking Dane how he slept instead of asking myself.  Now he is the one who is "tired" and "I didn't sleep well." Poor thing.
We've got to figure out the secret to sleeping well.
I don't know about anyone else, but I think my imagination loves it when I go to sleep at night. It goes absolutely crazy and thinks of random people, places and things that I have already thought about or associated with that day and creates a nice little creative writing assignment in the form of a motion picture dream.
Last night's motion picture - War in Iraq, my brother revealing our hiding spot because he just had to skype his wife, and a phonecall for me while I'm trying to play mini-golf in my parent's living room from someone informing me that so and so (I really honestly didn't know) was really sick and not going to make it.  Either I watch the news too much or actually live this exciting of a life because I can assure you I would not be picking that for my bedtime story.
Maybe that is why my neck hurts so bad, fighting a war, mini golfing while trying to hold a phone to my ear as I play can really do a number.  I wonder what tonight's feature will be?

Mediocrity anyone?

Yesterday in a class, I overhead a boy say to another classmate, "Just so you know, I NEVER do more than I have to."  I hope the boy didn't look in my direction after that comment, because I probably had a "that's really dumb" look on my face.

I have been thinking of that boy and about his attitude regarding his education and couldn't help but think it was likely going to rub off on his perspective in living life.

I don't think we fully understand what we are capable of doing.  When we are given the opportunity to fly, there are going to be some who take that opportunity and there will be others that say, "I NEVER do more than I have to."  To me, those represent the two types of people in the world today.

Every successful individual in life will tell you that positive thinking and goal setting has been a tremendous help in their life - and could even be closely connected to their successes in life.

I believe that when we think positively, we cannot help but challenge ourselves. We develop an attitude of confidence and we harvest strong desires. We can accomplish goals, dreams and have things work out incredibly for us. I believe this, because I'm living proof.

It seems like whenever I do something challenging, something new, or something simply out of my comfort zone, I am surprisingly rewarded with something better and better.  My experiences in "doing more than I have to" really have given me a richness in my life I don't think I could have received from any person, award or holiday.  There is just something special about stepping outside of ourselves and seeing how far we can fly.

For the second person- the one who chooses, "I NEVER do more than I have to", a lot of forfeiting takes place.  Not only is this type of person disregarding their talents and capabilities to do great things, they simply are throwing away their life.  They would rather utilize their time with mediocrity.

It is evident to see where my opinion lies concerning these two people. Life is life - it is for everyone. We are all different.  We have preferences and opinions and goals - and we also have reality.

Reality doesn't mean we have to submit ourselves to the sometimes mundane routines of life.

Why are we letting the mediocrity of the world get in our way of doing greater things?

Sometimes I think of Europe and melt inside

Sometimes I think of Europe and melt inside. 

I am not sure if it’s the way the baguettes leather boots and fall smell, but there is something that gets me every time when I find myself walking down a cobblestone street, satchel on my side and my eyes wide with adventure.  My smile gives me away as a tourist, not just because my teeth are straight, but because they aren’t stained with the experience of smoking and tastes of freshly brewed coffee.  Although, the smell of that coffee is enticing. I try to act like this is my world.  I speak the language, wear the wool coat and my scarf secures my confidence as I walk with my head held high.  This is who I am.

I feel inspired, intuitive and brave as I notice my reflection in the river next to me.  Thoughts of my dreams and capabilities float from my mind to every inch of my body motivating me to conquer the world.  Couples around me hold hands and whisper in each other’s ears, but it doesn’t bother me, instead, it emphasizes the feeling of contentment every inch of me is feeling. 

I walk through the city center and find myself wandering aimlessly, looking at all the expensive clothes, chocolates, jewelry, antiques and books that must be hundreds of years old. They don’t look like this at home. There is something enchanting about an old man selling apples, pears and grapes from a street stand.  

I blink a few times and realize that I’m alive.  It’s not just a dream anymore.

A few airplane rides later, time and routine tells me that reality is much different now. I no longer have the inspiring architecture and the warmth of roasted almonds mixed with the smell of cigarettes and newspaper.  I’m not a fan of smokers, but somehow that musty European smell is acomfort to me. Instead, I look out my window and notice the blue sky and housing developments that surround me.  I smell the famous American apple pie smell melting on my Scensty and it is confirmed: I am back in the USA. 

It's not so bad here…it’s just that I really love Europe.  And I can’t help but think of it with the feeling of fall in the air. 

So for now, I will close my eyes and think of Europe and melt inside…all over again.

Pain in the Butt!

I pulled the corner of the sheet tightly over the mattress as I heard the door shut upstairs and Dane's voice yell,

"Hil, can you help me look for a bandaid?"

I jumped over the mess of sheets and bedding on the floor and hurried into the bathroom where I was able to find a box with a few bandaids left in it.

"Are you okay?  What happened?"  I said as I ran up the stairs.

He had his hand placed tenderly on his hip and said, "I'm going to need you to pull out this nail."

Pause...

My thoughts go from a bandaid to pulling a nail out of my husband's bum. I don't know why those two don't seem to go together at this point, but I look at Dane and say "What?! You sat on a nail?"

Dane was helping his dad out with the roofing that day.  Everyone had left the house and Dane was still up their hammering away in the heat.  Unfortunately for Dane, as he sat down, the little bag of nails that was tied around his waist twisted and that one nail sat, point up - waiting.

The conditions were too perfect and Dane somehow managed to get off the roof with that nail in what he described on the phone to his dad as, "The place where your bum starts to form".

The nail was in at least half way or more and honestly, I wasn't really interested in pulling the nail out- he flinched everytime he touched the nail himself and I knew it would hurt him.  I hate seeing people in pain and I really don't like to be the one that inflicts it - even if it is to help them in the longrun!  I knocked on his brother's apartment door that is attached on their house and he wasn't home either, which may have been a good thing because I know his brother would have laughed his head off at Dane.

At this point, Dane pulled his pants down and ripped the nail out himself.  I couldn't believe it! Of course Dane was taking it like a man as I encouraged him to see a doctor - just to be sure it was okay!  While we were deciding if that was really needful I made him lay down on the floor and i put a hot cloth on the wound to clean it out.  Dane was making me laugh the whole time by saying, "My bum hurts."

After $20 co-pay and 30 minutes waiting, he waltzed out of Urgent Care with a bandaid on his arm from a tetnus shot and a sucker showing in his mouth as he grinned at me.

Only Dane.  I thought about if the roles had been reversed and I was the one with the nail in the bum.
Yup, I am glad it was Dane's bum and not mine.

Today

I was glad to wake up this morning and be released from the extremely weird dream I was having.  As soon as I opened my eyes, the thought, "Today is the first of September" was realized in my half asleep brain and instantly I felt a pit in my stomach bring back some anxieties and oddly enough some memories of last year this time. 

Last year I was France and I remember waking up and feeling like I couldn't be getting any crazier.  Even though I was thrilled for the opportunity and I could taste adventure, I was a little scared.  Today, that exact feeling came back....and for what?  I am now in Rexburg, Idaho.  Let me repeat that...Idaho.  How could I be feeling the same way?  

It's true, that pit is still sitting in my stomach and as I review the details of my life and my next semester in my mind, I cannot understand what could possibly be more scary or more of an adventure than being alone in France and studying french immersion. But in 11 days my new semester will start and I will be the assistant editor on the BYU-Idaho Scroll newspaper and it will be FALL!  

My favourite time of the year is fall - don't ask me to explain why, because that post will most likely come later, but all I have to say is that I can wear boots and scarfs again and steamed milks and hot chocolate become a weekly delight to me.  What is there to not look forward to...really?

I think more than anything, that pit in my stomach is me feeling nervous about doing my best and feeling happy about it.  I am a perfectionist. Enough said right?  I will probably feel this way next semester too and when Dane and I pack our little home up and move away to grad school.  The first day of my internship and the list goes on and on.  

I sometimes look at those people who take life one day at a time and get so jealous of how well they can cope with the waves of life.  They lay back and relax and let life wash over them as if they are having the time of their life.  I am the one clenching to a piece of driftwood and scoping out where the nearest piece of land is, thinking of how I can get there and how fast and what exactly else I will need to accomplish.  My brain never stops thinking! 

I am lucky because I am married to one of those people. His sense of perspective rubs off on me and helps me realize that I will be just fine.  I think about his sister Amber who was struggling for life, but now is pushing forward and showing us all that God can make miracles out of broken, scared, and imperfect things.   

That pit in my stomach - maybe it is a good thing.  It means I am alive. 

Our Miracle Amber

My hand was starting to ache as I addressed another envelope and placed it gently on the growing pile taking up most of my kitchen table.  It was getting close to noon and I wanted to get as many of these done as possible before Dane arrived home from work that day.  Even though I had already thanked all the guests on my side, who graciously gifted us at our wedding in Canada, Dane had pushed his aside until I felt it was almost worthless to send them.  However, we all know that a thank you goes a long way, and we had a lot to be grateful for.  The Utah guests needed to be thanked too.

One leg curled under me, I felt my foot tingling telling me it needed more blood.  I licked another envelope, grabbed my hot chocolate and re adjusted my position just as my phone vibrated loudly on the table next to me.  I looked and saw it was my mother-in-law Kathy.  She must be responding to my earlier text to her this morning.  I pushed the answer key and greeted her enthusiastically. 

“Hey Kathy! How are you?”

I heard no response for a second on the other line and then a desperate voice that said, “Hilary, something bad has happened…Amber was in a bad car accident…She was lifeflighted to the hospital.” 

She was chocking back the tears that were pushing hard on her emotions.  She was on her way to the Ogden Regional.

“I need you to tell Dane.” She asked.

A lot of life changing experiences have happened this last week.  You know you hear stories of unfortunate events that change a family forever, but you never think that one day that family will be yours.  

On Wednesday, August 24, 2011, my husband's sister Amber was in a serious car accident with two of her children, Nate (4) and Emily (under 2).  Luckily, Thomas was at school and was not in his usual seat in the car.  Amber had been broadsided on her side of the car by an SUV and was life flighted to the Odgen Regional Hospital in Utah.  After being extracted from the car, her life was being held in the hands of God.  She was in terrible shape.  Broken neck, ribs and pelvis, punctured lung, internal bleeding and blood in her brain.  That was just the tip of her injuries.  On life support, the bruised and broken Amber was rushed her off to surgery as they tried to sustain her life.  

The moment I called Dane, he jumped in his car and came straight home where I was waiting with 2 bags packed.  We loaded the car and were on our way.  I have never experienced anything like the 3 hour drive and the days that followed.  I can't even imagine what Dane must have been feeling - as well as his parents, brother and her husband Ryan.  You never think that the moments you are walking out the door may be the last time you are going to see your sister, daughter, wife, or mother.   Luckily for us, Heavenly Father protected little Nate and Emily and spared their mother's life so it didn't have to be the last time.

We sat in the waiting room in the ICU area of the hospital and prayed together and individually for those hours as Amber laid helpless during her surgery.  The faith and prayers of everyone who knows and loves Amber was amazing.  We continued to get news of more people praying and fasting for Amber and I have no doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father works miracles after the trial of faith.  Amber is our miracle and so is Nate and Emily.  

Amber is one of the most beautiful individuals I know. I haven't known her long, but for the short time that I have, I have been inspired by her loving and accepting personality.  She is beautiful inside and out. She takes her calling of a mother and wife seriously and goes the extra mile in sustaining and attending to their needs.  She is one of those people that has so many talents that you just hope to spend a few hours with her so that her wealth of knowledge will somehow rub off on you.  No matter what is going on, Amber knows the best way to handle the situation and she always makes me and others feel important, loved and content.  She is a blessing to whoever she meets and a strength to her family and friends.  I love Amber and I know I'm not the only one.  

I hope that her story will influence you to be a little better, or say "I love you" to your brother. I hope you let your friends and family know you appreciate them.  I hope you realize the hand of the Lord in your life and take the time to thank him and pay it forward by blessing the life of someone else.   

Thank you Amber for being the incredible person you are.  We love you. 

My Armadilla

This is my car.

A 1995 Saturn. Gold. Spoiler. Sunroof and CD player.

I have had this beauty since I was 20 years old (so for 6 years this August) and it has served me well. It has been on trips from Canada to the United States (as far as St. George, Utah) and back many times.  It has survived cold winters and floods and has kept me warm and cool when it has been required.  My little armadilla (knicknamed that by some friends years ago because they felt it resembled an armadillo) has been a huge part of my life so far!  Does it sound weird that a car could actually carry with it some emotional substance?  My armadilla has been with me through some of the most challenging and exciting years of my life.  She even has a few ice cream stains to prove it.  One reason she is so important to me is because I bought her with my blood, sweat and tears while I was going to college and working part-time.  I hate being in debt so much that I would take on extra shifts at work just so I could earn a few extra hundred bucks.  Then, when my pay check would arrive, I would pay my tithing and then put 80% of my paycheck towards paying her off.  Within one year of my purchase, I had paid for her myself and learned the satisfaction that comes through discipline and hard work.

Lately, other than sounding like a solar powered toy, she has been making some awful sounds and will stall when I stop unless it is in neutral or parking...so I took her into the shop to get checked out.

She is dying.

Apparently only 2/3 of her engine is working.  So with the little time I have left with her, I hope that as I drive her to campus everyday, change her oil, and fill her with gas, she will continue to love me the way I have loved her.  Thank you armadilla for the past 6 years.  I hope our last year together will be as memorable as the rest.

My Dane

Have you ever woke up in the morning and lost yourself in whether or not reality had anything to do with what you dreamed the night before?  This morning was one of those mornings for me.  I woke up and felt the emotion of something my mind knew was completely imaginative.  Funny how our minds can know something is unrealistic, but our emotions cause us to feel so deep that we convince ourselves otherwise.

Lucky for me, my weird dream about one of my brothers left quickly as I thought about what was real.

Dane. Today I laid in bed for 20 minutes after he left for work and thought about him. I realize I am biased to some degree, because everyone thinks they have married the most handsome, sweet and funny person in the world.  I am telling you the honest truth when I say that Dane is the most handsome, sweet and funny person in the world.  He is that to me and that makes its true.

After years of dating, it didn't take me long to know that I wanted to be with Dane and I realize more every day that I made the right choice in marrying him.

The other night we were getting ready to read the scriptures and he stopped, pinched himself a few times and said, "Wow I guess its really real."  He reminds me constantly of how lucky I am and I find myself thinking, "Wow, I guess its really real."  It was only one year ago that we started being close friends. I would have never imagined he would see something in me and feel it was worth all the time, energy and especially a plane ticket to France to come visit me last fall!

He still gives me butterflies when he walks in the door after work or going to the gym.  I feel so loved when he looks in my eyes and I see the sincerity and kindness that never leaves.  He puts me first and cares about even the minute details of my life.  His kisses mean something to me. Every single one.

Dane & Hil
courtesy of www.silverlinephoto.com

The best part about Dane and I is the fact that I know it will last forever.  There is a quote I love by Rumi that says, "Lovers do not finally meet somewhere. They are in each other all along." I have my own reasons for loving this quote, and there are many ways to interpret I feel, so I will leave that for my thought today.  If you are looking for love, be the kind of person you would want to love you. If you already have a love in your life - make sure you let them know it too.

Norm & Nadine Andersen
The perfect example of what love looks like
courtesy of www.silverlinephoto.com  

Memories

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY I said goodbye to my family, boarded a plan to London, then to Pisa Italy where I had the experience of a lifetime.  For some that followed my blog last year, I have a full account of my adventures in Europe ( http://www.myadventureineurope.blogspot.com/ ).  With a scarf tied securely around my neck, 3 suitcases and a backpack, along the intention to study french immersion in France after my visit to Italy, I jumped trains on my own praying that I would be able to carry everything with my skinny 5"3 frame.  Don't ask me how I was able to lug suitcases that weighed as much as I did up stairs, through foreign trains stations, all the while looking for words in English or French.   Somehow, things worked out. As I look back now, one year later, it was one of the most exhilarating and fulfilling things I have ever done.  It wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for my parents who helped me fulfill this dream of mine. 

I write this today not only to remember, but to share the satisfaction that comes through achieving life goals.  Earl Nightingale once said, "The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment."

Nantes, France

Vanessa & I - one of my mission companions I served with in the England Birmingham Mission

The Louvre

Abbey & I in Stockholm Sweden

Sweden

One of my favourite photos - France

Cathedral in Nantes, France

London - seeing WICKED

Dane eating his first crepe

Versaille

Dane & I in PARIS

I guess with me I have always felt like if I want something bad enough, who is to say I can't have it.  I honestly cannot believe all the things I have accomplished in my life.  I never thought I would be 26 years old and be who I am today. I have grown, matured, experienced, laughed, cried and thought way too much. The passion inside of me has allowed for an amazing life so far.  I have chosen my path and I know that life will continue to get better and better.

World Traveller

Simona & I at The Leaning Tower of Pisa

Mona Lisa - I love this about Europe

A Taste of Italy

I think my expression says enough

Gelato

Making a wish at Ponte Vecchio

Beautiful Florence

Italy

Gelato is so good

Alessio & Simona - Simona and I were missionary companions in the England Birmingham Mission

A Work of Art - Florence

My Lazy Summer

Today I woke up a lot later than usual and was still pulling myself out of bed to get a drink because my mouth felt so dry.  I had missed a call from Dane, who had now been at work for hours, and I sheepishly called him back and talked to him for a minute before he had to get back to work.  This is my lazy summer.
Between cleaning up my already immaculate 2 bedroom apartment and doing the laundry, losing one of Dane's socks every single load - someone help me understand this!! -  I get some time everyday to sit down and work on my book.  It is a lot harder than I thought it would be to write a book.  I mean I knew it wasn't something I would just whip up in a few weeks, but I kinda thought I would just sit down and the words would flow from my mind right through my fingers in a beautiful pattern of letters that capture the hearts of readers worldwide.
Well, it's not working exactly like that.  I'm not giving up so easily though.  Yesterday I read what I had so far to my husband Dane and he encouraged me to do a few things a little different and I knew he was right about what I needed to change.  I didn't like hearing it -his criticism, but when you ask for it, you hear it and then you realize that what the person is saying is completely true, I end up feeling more offended that I didn't think of it, then the fact I need to improve sometimes. Hard things to hear are usually the most rewarding things in life - if we change.  And if you ask me, change is great, because it helps us grow and life seems to just get better.

CAMERICA

One year ago today I was getting everything sorted for my departure to study abroad in Europe.  I cannot believe how fast the year went by. Not only did I have the experience of a lifetime in Europe as I studied french immersion in France, made great friends, and ate crepes in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower,  I was able to visit places in the world that I had only dreamed of seeing.  Sweden, Italy, Germany, and back to England where a piece of my heart has stayed since I served my mission. Shortly after a whirlwind romance, Dane and I were married in the Cardston Alberta Temple on April 14, 2011.

Now it is August again and I woke up feeling the itch to jump on a plane with Dane and begin a new adventure somewhere new.  But as I sit here in my living room on hold with Verizon Wireless I realize I am living a new adventure here in the United States.  Being Canadian and not having a social security number seems to throw off everything I try to do here - phone accounts, banking, and even scholarships applications. So once again, I am in limbo land that I would now like to officially name Camerica.

Camerica is not a country. It has no flag or national anthem. It has no traditions or language. There are no driver's license or identification number because no one cares or needs one.  The people the live in Camerica have no identity because they don't belong in Canada or the United States of America.  If they go back to Canada, they cannot re-enter the United States, and if they stay in the United States, they cannot do so for long because you cannot do anything here without a social security number.

Hopefully in the next few months we will hear back from the United States of America and they will give me my travel papers and my social security number so I can leave Camerica.  It's boring here and I have no friends!

On a positive note, I was selected to receive a scholarship from Deseret Management Corporation for News Writing!  It will pay for one semester of my tuition here at BYU-Idaho. I was elated to hear I was chosen.  I took a chance by submitting my portfolio during a crazy finals week and am so happy that Dane encouraged me to do it after all my doubting.  It just shows that taking a step out of your comfort zone really pays off!

BYU-Idaho Scroll Articles

Some of my articles. I have more on the BYU-Idaho I-Comm website. I will be adding them to the list below.

Beware of Fraud

Devastation in Alabama

Cell Phones May Cause Cancer

Apple to Release iCloud